Recently I read The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle with a student. Then I had some deep thoughts. For those not familiar with the story, a small little caterpillar hatches out of his egg and is hungry. He starts by eating one apple on Monday, then two pears on Tuesday, and each day more fruit until he eats 5 oranges on Friday. Saturday he goes a little crazy and eats a bunch of food including cake, candy, and salami. He feels sick on Sunday so eats a leaf. Now he is a fat caterpillar who makes a cocoon (or is it a chrysalis?) and turns into a beautiful butterfly.
The message is about growing and transforming (and maybe a lesson on not eating too much junk food). But, the caterpillar is never described as sad. He seems to have fun eating his way through the week. He’s a cute little guy crawling all over the pages of the book. He also seems happy being a beautiful butterfly. But, I bet he was scared inside that dark cocoon. Change can be painful.
I hesitate to call myself a beautiful butterfly but I did go through a painful change. Grief is transformative. With faith and support your life may not be better after a loss, but you can become a better person. You can be happy. It doesn’t mean you weren’t happy before or that you wanted to change. But, here you are, different than you were before. My life is now defined by the days before I became a widow (the caterpillar days) and my life since that day (the butterfly days).
I have big plans for this year of being 53. First of all, my first grandchild will be born soon. I am fully embracing that I am a grandma, or apparently a Meemaw. In May I will graduate (God willing) from St. Meinrad with a Masters in Theology. This has been a long wonderful journey of learning. My graduation present to myself is joining a group from St. Meinrad in London for two weeks next summer. I knew I got my passport last year for a reason!
There are times I miss the caterpillar days. But, I can’t go back. I can only look forward as the butterfly I am now. I am determined to continue my journey with faith and joy. I won’t forget the times of being a caterpillar and all that I learned in those dark days inside the cocoon of mourning and grief. Becoming a butterfly changes the caterpillar but it doesn't destroy it.
I hesitate to call myself a beautiful butterfly but I did go through a painful change. Grief is transformative. With faith and support your life may not be better after a loss, but you can become a better person. You can be happy. It doesn’t mean you weren’t happy before or that you wanted to change. But, here you are, different than you were before. My life is now defined by the days before I became a widow (the caterpillar days) and my life since that day (the butterfly days).
I have big plans for this year of being 53. First of all, my first grandchild will be born soon. I am fully embracing that I am a grandma, or apparently a Meemaw. In May I will graduate (God willing) from St. Meinrad with a Masters in Theology. This has been a long wonderful journey of learning. My graduation present to myself is joining a group from St. Meinrad in London for two weeks next summer. I knew I got my passport last year for a reason!
There are times I miss the caterpillar days. But, I can’t go back. I can only look forward as the butterfly I am now. I am determined to continue my journey with faith and joy. I won’t forget the times of being a caterpillar and all that I learned in those dark days inside the cocoon of mourning and grief. Becoming a butterfly changes the caterpillar but it doesn't destroy it.
